Unsurprisingly all I can think of right now is lack of sleep and the mountain of work I have facing me right now. Actually I lie. That’s what I should be thinking of…really I can’t stop thinking about delightful things like having a month off, my trip to India and…(GASP) shopping. Yes my friends, the anti-shopper has turned mostly because of a rather generous cash gift which is going to get me a real winter coat. I’m finally ready to admit that the coat I bought last year, as amazing as it makes me look, is a waste of life mostly because it offers about as much protection from the elements as a cotton summer dress. If it gets too wet my shirt gets wet, it doesn’t have a hood and with a scarf on I can’t button the top button. But boy do I look fancy wearing it!
Also, I’m in the process of collecting presents for my newly acquired sister-in-law. I find it incredibly strange that my family’s at the age when I seem to be acquiring new sister-in-laws every two years. Anyhow, it’s always fun to buy presents, especially nonsense ones that are designed to entertain me and pressure them into having babies. Just for the record, I have two sister-in-laws and NO NIECES OR NEPHEWS. I’m waiting with bated breath…maybe I should consider some sort of oxygen tank.
Thirdly, I’m highly wired and highly tired at the same time. I think my body has overridden its need for sleep!
Before I tell you this one I must qualify it. I know I’ve cried wolf many times, but I think I’m actually not dancing in a production and I think I know this because I’m physically not present for rehearsals. Crazy. I haven’t yet had time to think about what I’m going to do with my spare time or how I’m going to feel when I see the girls up onstage without me. But I’m sure you’ll hear me boo hoo-ing about it at some point.
Back to the paper that I’m thoroughly enjoying writing!
About two weeks ago as I was leaving the dance studio Sujatha ji called me over to her. “What are you doing? You’re going home now?” I had just finished teaching a dance class, and I was ready to pack up for the night so I could go get some reading done, but this was Sujatha ji (the greatest Odissi dancer I’ve ever seen) and she was asking me to stay and learn a piece. Of course I obliged, and (without any prior training) I began learning a small part of a two hour production of Geet Govind. It was the most harrowing two and a half hours of my dance life. Moving your body in a completely new way, while being yelled at for all the things you’re doing wrong by someone you respect is difficult to swallow, especially when it’s been years since I had to struggle with choreography. By the end of the rehearsal, it became obvious that Sujatha ji had decided to keep me in the show (which at that point was 15 days away). I freaked out, and told everyone who would listen that I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t think I could be ready to perform in two weeks.
Two weeks of tears, sweat, joint pain and five hour rehearsals later, I performed Odissi last night. As show time approached, my heart started palpitating and I started to feel light-headed. I was waiting for myself to pass out…I’m no stranger to that feeling! I didn’t realize till I was in the wings waiting to enter on stage that I wasn’t ill, I was nervous! I’m completely unfamiliar with that feeling. I have never been nervous before a dance show. Performing has been so much a part of me, that before a show, at best I’m excited, at worst I’m ambivalent. I can’t believe I forgot what it’s like to feel nervous.
I’m not American and I don’t ever want to live there. I’m ashamed at how much attention I’ve been paying to the US presidential election, but tonight, despite what the cynical part of me says, I know I’ve witnessed something incredibly significant. It feels like New Year’s Eve, like a new beginning. I feel like a kid who just got a present.
I have a penchant for watching certain types of reality TV, namely talent shows of any kind–not because I enjoy the banter of over enthusiastic hosts and attention seeking judges, but I really do enjoy seeing what other people are capable of. Apart from that, I have a great deal of appreciation for people who put themselves out on the line so publicly for something they really want (except for the ones that really suck…that just makes me mad at TV producers). In the later incarnations of this obsession with talent seeking shows it’s been SYTYCD (So You Think You Can Dance), Top Chef and The Search for Elle Woods (oh yes…I admit it). I realize there’s something kind of shameful in conceding this, but I’m prepared to defend it. Aside from the “masala” that the producers add to the shows to make ratings spike, I really do enjoy them, because at times you can be blown away by the talents of people not much older (and sometimes younger) than yourself.
Enter my friends/family–aka Captain Buzkill and The Bring Down Crew (you guys can fight over who gets to be the captain) who think that watching these shows bring my IQ down in ten point increments (which is bad because I don’t have too many tens to start with). They’re also the lovely individuals that permanently turned me against any sort of big name music under the pretense of “It’s so impersonal, so unmeaningful” etc. etc. But one thing they were never able to do was to remove my appreciation for talent. Of course over the years the shows have gotten more gimmicky but I still like watching people do what they do best. It’s undeniable especially when it comes to music. Regardless of what your tastes are, at the very least you can appreciate a good musician/singer. So I give you:
That girl has a voice on her, whether you like the song, her music or her subsequent work and I’m not ashamed to admit that I love it! Maybe I appreciate it more because I once sang, (alot) so I know how difficult it is to sound like that mostly because I KNOW I never sounded like that! Talent aside, I still love my no name music.
